In Their Own Words. . . Birth Mothers share their personal experiences
Hilary's Story
Walking out of the hospital after 3 days, I felt empty. My arms were empty, there was no cart with flowers and balloons, there was no 'welcoming commmittee' when I walked in the door to my home. While I felt empty my heart was full. Full of joy, full of grief, full of sorrow, full of anger. I had made the decision to put my child up for adoption after coming to the realization that there was clearly no way that I could give this child not only what they needed, but what they deserved! I already had 3 little boys that I was attempting to raise, with little help from their fathers. I believe in giving 100% to whatever you do, whether it be raising children, going to school, or doing the dishes. I knew that by keeping this child someone was going to give. I spent many sleepless nights thinking about this child and the kind of world I could give her. I had been going to school to become a surgical nurse, working part-time, and was a very hands-on parent to my boys.
It took me about 5 months to realize that giving this child up for adoption was not only the right choice for her, but for me and my family as well. My first meeting with JoAnne was one of the most nerve racking moments of my life. I knocked on the door, and I knew my life was going to change forever. I was scared, I was so afraid of being judged. So many thoughts went through my mind, 'What would she think of me?' 'What would I think of her?' 'Is this really what I want?' 'How will I cope with the 'loss' of a child?' When JoAnne anwsered the door, her warm presence, made me feel comfortable, and I felt like I had known this woman my entire life. She did not judge, she did not scrutinize, instead she comforted and made me feel like whatever my ultimate decision was, was mine. We had a few meetings, but we both knew that time was of the essence. On our third or fourth meeting she began to show me books of perspecive parents. I was quite over-whelmed to say the least. I had decided that I wanted an open adoption and, with that I wanted to feel like my child would have the same life that I have attempted to provide for my boys.
I looked through about four books that day and I left thinking about one couple for the next week, until my next meeting with JoAnne. For some reason this couple just stuck out in my mind, and upon our next meeting I asked to learn a little more about them. JoAnne was full of information about this couple. After that meeting I asked if I could meet them. The day of our meeting I was so nervous, just like my first meeting with JoAnne. All the questions that I orginally had, came to surface again. Tracy and Ray arrived at our meeting with a dozen yellow roses; yellow roses symbolize friendship and immediatly all my fears were eased. It turned out that Tracy and I had the same little quirks. I felt like I had known them forever. We talked for almost 2 1/2 hours, but it felt like mere minutes. At the end of our meeting, I felt like I had made 2 new friends.
Natasha Diane was born December 2, 2010. When she was ready to leave the hospital Tracy and Ray allowed me some time for just me and her. I sang to her and we danced around the room and we had a 'talk'. At the end of our time Tracy and Ray came into the room and I said, 'Well, goodbye.' Ray responded, 'It's not 'goodbye', it's we'll see you soon.' Tracy and I have developed a wonderful friendship, one that was centered around this precious little girl, but is now centered around two people sharing their lives together. I believe that Natasha came into my life so that all these other wonderful people would.
Kaily's Story
The day I found this agency, Adoptions, Advocacy and Alternatives, my problems began to lighten up. I was 7 months pregnant with no plans set in concrete; going to my first meeting with Joann and Tammy I thought it would be like every other place I went to before. We had visited many different pregnancy resource places and they all gave me the same spiel about pro life.
I was in search of answers to all my questions. The agency helped me become familiar with all my options to my situation. Being 16 years old baring a baby with no idea what to do for the little human being was heart breaking. As Tammy and Johann asked me personal questions I was able to figure out exactly what I wanted to do for me and the baby.
After every appointment with the Agency I became more and more ready for the baby to come and more confident in my decisions. About the second appointment I had officially decided that I was going to do an adoption. I had a list of qualities and so to say a way of life that I wanted the adoption parents to have. I wasn’t sure how open I wanted to be with the adoption so as I described how I saw the family in my mind, Tammy and Joann began looking for a family that fit my ideas.
While I was meeting with Tammy and Joann for my weekly appointments I also met with Tammy one on one. When we met we usually did something fun like going out to eat or going to Starbucks; we discussed ideas in a more laid back manner. Talking to Tammy allowed me to form a better relationship with her and get more comfortable with my decisions. Tammy helped me emotionally in every aspect possible. As well she helped me with my grief process and feelings. To this day she still meets with me to talk about life and how everything is going.
A week before the baby was born Tammy and Joann announced that they had found a family. They asked if I wanted to see the book that they had made and my initial thought was no but when the appointment was over I quickly changed my mind. I took the book home and read about them. The night before Bryson was born Joann showed me the email that Anne had sent about the adoption. They had picked out a girl’s name and a boy’s name.
The morning that Bryson was born Tammy and Joann were both there. Tammy was my doula and was with my family and me in the delivery room while Johann was in the waiting room anticipating the outcome. Two days passed and I bonded with Bryson and made sure that he knew it was the best for the both of us. Anne and Craig took Bryson home from the hospital that day.
Since that day, it has been one year. Our relationship has gone from only an exchange of emails on day one to Anne taking my senior pictures and going on trips together. Anne and Craig have become my most beloved family and I would do anything for them.
Adoption is truly the beginning of a love story and I love my ABC’s!
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Dianna's Story
How can I explain to you how it is to give my unborn child up for adoption? I have to be honest; it won't be one little bit easy. For me, it was the hardest decision I've ever had to make in my life. I will try to explain my experience with adoption. The day I decided to do adoption I called quite a few agencies. I could tell by the tone of their voices that they weren't for me. Then I called Joanne; just by the softness and kindness in her voice, I knew that I could work with her.
So the day I met her I was so nervous and scared. But she came to my home and she was kind and patient with me. She allowed me to take my time to grow closer to her. Never once did I feel pressured to do or say anything that made me uncomfortable. Never once did she make me feel like I was wrong in what I was doing. She was always understanding. The way I felt was that she had been in my shoes. After all is said and done, I knew I had made the right decision for my baby, for myself and for choosing Adoptions; Advocacy & Alternatives.
Sarah's Story
There is no way in the world that I could ever thank you enough. You have been amazing. I could not have done this without you. And thank you for my daughter's adoptive parents. She has the very best parents possible to find ! What a relief it is to know that my daughter is very much loved. Than you for everything you have done. I could not have done this without you!
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Spring's Story
My husband and I have a very healthy relationship. The love we share is best described in fairy tales, two who have found each other across the ages and are more in love every day. We share two beautiful children, a son and daughter who are very close in age. When we found out that we were expecting a third child when our oldest was not quite two, we were not exactly excited about having three in diapers. After much consideration about the impact a third child would have on our situation, we decided that we would look into adoption and see if we could find a couple that we felt would raise a child in a similar manner to us. We had no idea if we could find such a couple. .................. I was amazed to find Dan and Alisa on an online site for adoptive family profiles. They were just what we were looking for, and the only family out of hundreds I read to feel right! .................We had a home birth with our other two children and wanted to have that same type of atmosphere for this birth. Guess what? The ladies at Adoptions AA worked that out too! Our birth experience was just as beautiful for this birth as it was for our other children. We had a midwife, and with her assistance we were able to have this wonderful little child in a setting that allowed the adoptive couple to be an integral part of their daughter’s birth. It was really something indescribable in words. Everyone that was there was very supportive of us. No one ever felt like a stranger, and then at the birth we all were there to welcome this little person into a loving world. Her beginning was celebrated. She opened her eyes for the first time and saw her adoptive mother and father before seeing anything else. It’s not blood that makes a family; it’s love. To simultaneously give birth, witness Molly’s birth, and the birth of her family was surreal. It made everything fully come together for my husband and me. We knew completely that all was as it was supposed to be at that moment.......................We were never just birthparents. We were a family, getting to know new friends and their families. There was genuine care about all of us. That’s something you can’t fake, especially day in and day out for a month. We always had the option to change our mind about adoption, and I believe that even if we had second thoughts and changed our minds we still would have walked away with friends and the blessing of everyone. No pressure, no worries, just love and compassion. Life is a precious gift. Being able to enjoy that gift has been a blessing for us. Being able to share the gift of life with another loving couple has been just as great a blessing. My husband and I both feel that we are richer people after the last year’s events. We look forward to returning to Colorado one day and again enjoying the company of Joanne, Jude, Tammy, and Jean. We look forward to visiting with Dan and Alisa and letting our children play together, and enjoying the laughter and love that only children can bring. Life’s treasures can be found in any situation, if only you look for them…